For moments like this, when my mind exploding and I just panic – like for real.
I’m doing very important things and now… feel so paralyzed, but I will do what I believe is right and I’ll go back to work. So, I used to overthink a lot of things but now I recognize some patterns and even if I’m wrong I will do it anyway. Shit is too important, and it’s not shit – actually! Man, okay I freak out when I’ve read John post and His newsletter and He’s dealing with some serious stuff – immediately I was scared that maybe it’s because I messed up something and I know, I know – I’m not in the center of Peter and John Universe but what if I did something. I mean, I could be able to spot removing line talking about doing for one person things, what We wanted to do for everyone from their VC website – I spot change in footer in John’s newsletter.
I just see those things and I don’t know why, same as, if they mean anything not even mention am I related to them.
So, I’m asking myself, what I did that could potentially cause this.
So, maybe it’s because I’m starting new web project not finishing the first one.
That’s not exactly true. I’m still learning how to do it, so far I’m here http://www.bluebarn.farm/
and learn how to add new page which will be shop page. But… I came this far so it’s very easy to replicate that again and I just ofer help. So, maybe it’s because I change my heart direction?
Am I? I don’t know, like seriously I love A^^ I just, I don’t know what to do.
Maybe, you right – If I can see those things correctly, maybe I just, yeah… losing myself.
Like, I know where I’m going professionally and I still wanna believe that I can fix my relationship with A^^
One day, I really would love to have relationship with you, where I would not have to going to this hole in my mind, something I think, I would prefer to be confronted in very straight way, like kimchi, what the fuck are you doing?
I don’t mind this and you have authority to do it.
Anyway, I could be wrong, but if I’m not I hope that I did good job not defending myself but to explain. I want to be an advocate for other people but procurator to myself.
I’m happy that I wrote this – that’s good and I’m going back to work!
I love you guys!